Grateful Shmateful

"What's happening on facebook?" my husband asked.

"Oh you know, the usual, we're all very grateful." I answered as I scanned the status updates.

Most of them start with the disaster, "A typhoon swept my home away," or "My dog was run over twice, once in Drive and once in Reverse," but without exception, they all end the same way, "I'm so grateful." This is a very Christian thing, which in a link I'm not certain I understand yet, somehow makes it a very American thing too, this trend towards being verbally grateful, especially when it looks like there isn't much that's great to fill up on.

 I had never heard this before moving to America but I have heard it countless times since I moved here, most often when a woman or girl falls unexpectedly pregnant. "Oh well,"  they smile, "God wouldn't give me more than I can handle."  Are you certain of that? Because I am fairly sure that there is a homeless man standing in the snow off Colorado Avenue who could dispute that if he still had his mind. I can't decide if people say these things as a coping mechanism or if they are genuinly worried about undermining God's will. If the latter is so, I hope you'll consider how large the complaints department is and how well equipped God must be to handle these sorts of things.

And why is it so important to be so verbally  grateful all the time anyway? Maybe it's just a matter of getting to the punch line first? Maybe people who say these things know that if they don't say it, you will? My parents had a robbery where the car and a lot of things from the living room were stolen while they were asleep upstairs and all anyone could say when they heard the news was how "lucky" they were that it wasn't worse. "Funny" she laughed, "I feel lucky almost all the time but nobody ever mentions it until today which happens to be the one day I haven't been lucky at all."

 I'm not saying we should all mope around and feel sorry for ourselves but maybe there is something to be said for people who assume gratitude, people who barely ever discuss it because it's a given that life is precious and we're glad to be here to experience one more day on this fragile blue marble, even if this particular day wasn't so hot. Perhaps it's my English heritage, but I find people who cast an excellent complaint littered perhaps with a few choice curse words and punctuated with a laugh to be the most human people I wish to know. I feel somehow related to someone who says, "This morning was so bad that half way through my staff meeting, I was wishing I had scheduled my mammogram for today," and I feel I'll never really know someone who says, "My babysitter quit and I'm home with my sick children, but I'm grateful to be here."

And for crying out loud, can we all just stop being facebook grateful for our husbands? If you're so grateful for your husband, why not get off the computer and go and give him...you know...hugs. Making a public statement about it is just flat out lazy and honestly, if you say it more than once a year, I stop believing you. Maybe these husbands are too busy bringing their wives coffee or diamond earrings or something, I don't know, but it looks weird to see all these wives adoring their men who are silent in response.

So here's the point of all this. Try writing updates that convey how you're doing today without using the words, "blessed" or "grateful." Why not show us what you see when you look at your life without spelling it out for us. As your friend and your audience, I want to know you better so don't keep me at arms length by using all those general words that mask the really specific thing that's going on. I promise you that no matter how you feel today, I've been there too and I'd be...well....grateful, for the company.