 |
| These are lunges. Also this might be a dude. Picture courtesy of manalive.com. |
Want to warm up this winter? I have just the thing. Skinny jeans. Because nothing warms you up like trying on a pair of jeans so small and tight that the only way to get the crutch centered is to do lunges around the house for half a day or more. Better yet, go to Macy's which has a particularly lethargic staff at the moment, and try on several pairs of skinny jeans while your children leopard crawl beneath the doors of occupied dressing rooms. The combination of pull, lunge and then bend and drag will undoubtedly toast your roast nuts in time for the Christmas season. And don't pick the blue denim skinny jeans. Because you don't want to look like you accidentally bought skinny jeans on your outing to the mom denim store. No, you want to pick something loud and bold like leopard skin. Leopard skin skinny jeans on chunky short legs is the equivalent of doing a little dance after you trip so that it looks like you totally meant to do that. If you're going to sweat it out on your bedroom floor trying to wrangle your legs in to pants while they threaten to initiate rigor mortise, damn it, you deserve to get a look from someone somewhere for your efforts.
Why dont you turn this into a computer game.
ReplyDeleteI mean, one of those virtual wee things...so you stand in your bedroom..in your undies...log into Banana Republic...then start trying on their winter range.
Just remember its all virtual, like playing tennis or dancing...except you must remember to cover yourself before going out the front door.
I like your thinking. I'd never leave home.
DeleteOh my Cate! I was laughing so hard I may have peed myself, little bit!
ReplyDelete