"What's happening on facebook?" my husband asked.
"Oh you know, the usual, we're all very grateful."
I answered as I scanned the status updates.
Most of them start with the disaster, "A typhoon swept
my home away," or "My dog was run over twice, once in Drive and once
in Reverse," but without exception, they all end the same way, "I'm
so grateful." This is a very Christian thing, which in a link I'm not
certain I understand yet, somehow makes it a very American thing too, this trend towards being verbally grateful, especially when it looks like there isn't much that's great to fill up on.
I had never heard
this before moving to America but I have heard it countless times since I moved
here, most often when a woman or girl falls unexpectedly pregnant. "Oh
well," they smile, "God wouldn't
give me more than I can handle." Are you certain of that? Because I am fairly
sure that there is a homeless man standing in the snow off Colorado Avenue who
could dispute that if he still had his mind. I can't decide if people say these things as a coping mechanism or if they are genuinly worried about undermining God's will. If the latter is so, I hope you'll consider how large the complaints department is and how well equipped God must be to handle these sorts of things.
And why is it so important to be so verbally grateful all the time anyway? Maybe it's just
a matter of getting to the punch line first? Maybe people who say these things
know that if they don't say it, you will? My parents had a robbery where the
car and a lot of things from the living room were stolen while they were asleep
upstairs and all anyone could say when they heard the news was how
"lucky" they were that it wasn't worse. "Funny" she laughed,
"I feel lucky almost all the time but nobody ever mentions it until today which happens to be the one day I haven't been lucky at all."
I'm not saying we
should all mope around and feel sorry for ourselves but maybe there is
something to be said for people who assume gratitude, people who barely ever
discuss it because it's a given that life is precious and we're glad to be here
to experience one more day on this fragile blue marble, even if this particular
day wasn't so hot. Perhaps it's my English heritage, but I find people who cast
an excellent complaint littered perhaps with a few choice curse words and
punctuated with a laugh to be the most human people I wish to know. I feel
somehow related to someone who says, "This morning was so bad that half way
through my staff meeting, I was wishing I had scheduled my mammogram for
today," and I feel I'll never really know someone who says, "My babysitter quit and I'm home with my sick children, but I'm grateful to be here."
And for crying out loud, can we all just stop being facebook
grateful for our husbands? If you're so grateful for your husband, why not
get off the computer and go and give him...you know...hugs. Making a public
statement about it is just flat out lazy and honestly, if you say it more than
once a year, I stop believing you. Maybe these husbands are too busy bringing
their wives coffee or diamond earrings or something, I don't know, but it looks
weird to see all these wives adoring their men who are silent in response.
So here's the point of all this. Try writing updates that
convey how you're doing today without using the words, "blessed" or "grateful."
Why not show us what you see when you look at your life without spelling it out
for us. As your friend and your audience, I want to know you better so don't
keep me at arms length by using all those general words that mask the really
specific thing that's going on. I promise you that no matter how you feel today,
I've been there too and I'd be...well....grateful, for the company.
