Short shorts

Right now, you can't cross the street without running in to a Girlan (that's what I'm going to start calling a person who is too old to be a girl but too youthful looking to qualify as a woman) in those really short cut off shorts. You know the ones; ragged edges, probably denim, tighter than The Eagles singing Hotel California, shorter than your average maternity swim suit. Well anyway, if you're tempted, on that one day a month when you feel thin and beautiful and unbloated and unirritable and completely clean and unrushed and full of money to buy a pair, please consider this: it takes one and a half minutes of sitting on a toilet to get that pink ring around your butt. If it takes you longer than this to finish...you know....reading that article in National Geographic Traveler, maybe you should think about going a little longer on the hem and saving yourself from looking like a Waterbuck.